What are you looking at

Night Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Night Jokes.  As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…



Friend if mine had a bit of a brush with the law last night. He was playing against the police curling team.


Had a night out with a group of Wagon Wheel delivery drivers. They really take the biscuit.


Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night. He’s over the moon.


Dreamt I was eating a curry last night. When I woke up, my pilau was missing.


Dreamt last night I was making pancakes whilst driving along a twisty road. Tossing and turning.


Tried to break the ice at a party the other night with a pancake joke, but it fell flat.


I got asked to leave karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.


I dreamt I wrote The Hobbit the other night.  I think I was Tolkein in my sleep.


I was arguing with a friend in a pizza restaurant the other night when my best mate came over, grabbed the garlic bread and coleslaw from our table and ran off. I wish he would stop taking sides.


I went to a pub quiz last night. I could tell it was a rough place when the first question was “What are you looking at?”


Went to the cinema the other night to watch that new film about cheese. It was G rated.


I lost my pet mouse Elvis the other night. He was caught in a trap.


Psychic night at the local pub was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.


Went to bed last night thinking I was in Herman’s Hermits. Woke up this morning feeling fine.


Tried to book tickets for an Elvis tribute night over the phone. Had to press one for the money, two for the show…


Saw the Spanish Steps the other night. Worst tribute band ever.


Couldn’t get my phone to work in my hotel room the other night, so went downstairs. They have reception there.


Was going to send back my fish in a herb sauce at a restaurant the other night, but I wasn’t sure if it was the thyme or the plaice.


I gave up playing snooker last night. The rest is history.


I put a couple of ts into my beer last night. It made it better.





Last week’s offal jokes are here.


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