Ruler jokes

I like jokes about stationery but rulers are where I draw the line.

I was told a joke this week by my colleague Helen – but not the same Helen who came up with Swan Jokes – and so the topic for this week’s one liners is ruler jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I like jokes about stationery… Continue reading Ruler jokes

Cloud jokes

I connected my new phone to the cloud, then I had mist calls.

Looking out the window for inspiration for this week’s one liners, I’ve come up with the topic of cloud jokes. As usual, don’t expect too much hilarity or originality with this collection of puns.       As raindrops say, two’s company, three’s a cloud.   A Geordie chap walked into a hairdressers and asked… Continue reading Cloud jokes

Grape Jokes

I know a grape who spends his time sitting in the sun. It's his raisin d'etre.

The inspiration for this week’s page of one liners came from looking at the fruit bowl, so here are a page of grape jokes.  Of course, they come with the normal caveats of not being overly funny or original, and they might just make you let out a little whine….       Why did… Continue reading Grape Jokes

Coin Jokes

Are overworked coin makers at the Royal Mint the only people who are likely to strike because they want to make less money?

This week’s topic for the one liners and puns is coin jokes, so let’s hope these are good for a change… As normal, don’t expect too much hilarity or originality…     When is it most likely to rain money? When there is change in the weather. Did you hear about the man who swallowed… Continue reading Coin Jokes

Swan Jokes

Got a friend who works in the repair section at the Swan Vesta factory. He's involved in match fixing.

It has been a warm week in the UK as the summer arrives, and a traditional summer activity has kicked off with Swan Upping on the river Thames.  In honour of that, my colleague Helen suggested that a page of swan jokes would be appropriate for this week’s one liners and puns, so here goes.… Continue reading Swan Jokes

Game Jokes

Local amateur poultry football team had their new star striker chicken banned. Apparently he was a professional fowl.

The topic for this week’s one liners and puns is game jokes. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Saw an owl having a game of chess with a bird with a big beak. I thought “toucan play that game.”   Never tell a golfer you’re feeling below… Continue reading Game Jokes

Bridge Jokes

A friend of mine bought some London Bridge trousers. They keep falling down.

I’m back home after a few weeks travelling around Scandinavia, which included no shortage of trips over some very impressive and rather long bridges, so the topic for this week’s puns and one liners is Bridge Jokes. Don’t expect too much hilarity or originality…       I am shocked about the local bridge being… Continue reading Bridge Jokes

King Jokes

Simba was always the last of the pride to get out of bed. He was the lie-in king.

This week’s topic for puns and one liners is King Jokes, after meeting the King in Kronborg Castle earlier in the week…  As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… and some are royally awful.       You never see King Edwards or Jersey Royals presenting sport on TV. Only Common… Continue reading King Jokes

Card Jokes

Cold weather is here. Had to scrape ice of my windscreen this morning. Used my supermarket loyalty card. Only got 10% off.

My son made me a rather lovely Fathers’ Day card for last weekend, so here is a page of card jokes. Don’t expect them to be overly original or funny…       A friend’s car broke down between the harbour and Birthdays. He’s stuck between a dock and a card place.   There’s a problem… Continue reading Card Jokes

Yoga Jokes

Saw a sign for a beginner's yoga class. It said "enquire within".

Next week, on the 21st June, is World Yoga Day, so this week’s puns and one liners take the theme of Yoga Jokes.  Of course, don’t expect too much hilarity or originality…. and thankfully there are no photos of me taking part in any yoga sessions.       What sort of creature hibernates in… Continue reading Yoga Jokes