match fixing

Swan Jokes

It has been a warm week in the UK as the summer arrives, and a traditional summer activity has kicked off with Swan Upping on the river Thames.  In honour of that, my colleague Helen suggested that a page of swan jokes would be appropriate for this week’s one liners and puns, so here goes.  As normal, don’t expect too much originality or hilarity.




Chap sees an swan in the cinema. He says “are you a swan?” “Yes” comes the answer. “What are you doing here?” “Well, I liked the book”.


Saw a swan having a game of chess with a bird with a big beak. I thought “toucan play that game.”


Saw some young swans that kept dancing when a particular song started. Apparently it was their cygnet-ure tune.


Where do swans invest their cash? In the stork market.


Why did the swan cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off.


Got a friend who works in the repair section at the Swan Vesta factory. He’s involved in match fixing.


Was taking a group of young swans on a trip when someone asked for my autograph. Think they wanted my Cygnet Tour.


Why do swans watch the news? To get the feather forecast.


A swan walks into a pub, and the barman says “I named my pub after you.” The swan says “you called your pub Dave?”




Last week’s game jokes are here.


If you like these swan jokes, have a look here for more.


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And if these swan jokes made you curious about Swan Upping, here it is getting under way earlier in the week.