Category: 2018

Neck Jokes

The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.

The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is neck jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck. Looking back, my neck hurts. Went to a club wearing a set of jump leads around his… Continue reading Neck Jokes

Salt Jokes

I had dinner once with a chess Grand Master in a restaurant with checked tablecloths.. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Salt Jokes. Well,it’s the season for it… As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Two peanuts walking down the road, one was assaulted…   Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.… Continue reading Salt Jokes

Needle Jokes

Read about a new website called www.needleinahaystack.com. Took me ages to find it.

The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is needle jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Read about a new website called www.needleinahaystack.com. Took me ages to find it.   A police officer spotted a man driving along the motorway with knitting needles. He got… Continue reading Needle Jokes

Night Jokes

I went to a pub quiz last night. I could tell it was a rough place when the first question was "What are you looking at?"

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Night Jokes.  As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Friend if mine had a bit of a brush with the law last night. He was playing against the police curling team.   Had a night out with a group… Continue reading Night Jokes

Offal Jokes

Someone told me that a cow has multiple stomachs. That sounds like a load of tripe to me.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of offal jokes.  Some would say that plenty of the jokes here are at least a bit offal.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Someone told me that a cow has multiple stomachs.  That sounds like a load… Continue reading Offal Jokes

Shark Jokes

Last night I thought I was being chased by a shark. This morning, I realised it was just a bream.

This week’s puns and one liners is inspired by a former colleague, Andy, who spends time in the office interviewing people with a plastic puppet called Bruce The Shark. So, here are some shark jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     What do you get if you cross… Continue reading Shark Jokes

Scissor Jokes

Tried to take a clip from Kerrang magazine. I realised I needed Rock Paper Scissors.

This week’s one liners and puns takes the theme of scissor jokes.  As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Tried to take a clip from Kerrang magazine. I realised I needed Rock Paper Scissors.   I entered the Scissors of the Year competition but I didn’t make the cut.… Continue reading Scissor Jokes

Bubble Wrap Jokes

I've managed to cross fairy liquid with hip hop music. I call it Bubble Wrap.

I normally add a page of jokes every Friday, but an exception this week for an additional page of jokes. The last Monday in January is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day when the world can celebrate the Sealed Air product that may be ubiquitous but still makes grown ups and children stop what they are doing… Continue reading Bubble Wrap Jokes

Crumble Jokes

A huge ship with a cargo of apple crumble sank recently. The coastguard have warned sailors to be on the lookout for unusual currants.

After last week’s rhubarb jokes and previous apple jokes, this week we have some crumble jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Went to the shop today to buy some blackberries and apples to make a crumble, but they didn’t have any. It was a fruitless trip.  … Continue reading Crumble Jokes

Rhubarb Jokes

I'm protecting my allotment from burglars by surrounding it with rhubarb wire.

This week’s one liners and puns take the form of rhubarb jokes.  As always, they come with no guarantee of originality or hilarity…     I’m protecting my allotment from burglars by surrounding it with rhubarb wire.   My neighbour puts manure on his rhubarb.  I prefer custard.   Where does rhubarb go for a… Continue reading Rhubarb Jokes