Category: 2017

Cat Jokes

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian says, “It rings a bell, but I don’t know whether it’s there or not”

The topic for this week’s collection of puns and one liners is cat jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I spotted a lion at the zoo the other day. He looks like a leopard now.   Lost money playing poker with one of the big cats… Continue reading Cat Jokes

Circus Jokes

My friend worked in a circus who did a human cannonball act. Never replaced him when he retired, couldn’t find anyone else of the same calibre.

I had my first visit to a circus this week in many years, so here are some circus jokes to mark the occasion. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Did you hear about the clown who ran away with the circus? They made him bring it back.  … Continue reading Circus Jokes

Mime Jokes

Forgot to go the dress rehearsal of a silent film I was supposed to be in. Mime mistake.

Inspired by a recent conversation, the topic for this week’s one liners and puns is mime jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.       A friend of mine got a job as a judge for a mime talent contest. It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch.  … Continue reading Mime Jokes

Plate Jokes

I was in a cafe the other day and when I turned on my laptop I kept getting pictures of stews and casseroles. Turned out I was in a wireless hotpot.

This week’s puns and one liners come with the topic of plate jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…   Friend of mine is in an 80s tribute band who wear yellow metal plates. Banana Armour.   Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.  … Continue reading Plate Jokes

Delivery Jokes

Saw an advert for an Adam and the Ants music book, and they throw in a free stand and deliver.

It’s often said that jokes are all about delivery, so here are some delivery jokes. As normal, don’t expect hilarity or originality…       Had a night out with a group of Wagon Wheel delivery drivers. They really take the biscuit.   A friend wants to give up being a postman to become a… Continue reading Delivery Jokes

Parrot Jokes

If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I'd teach it to say is "Help! They've turned me into a parrot!"

This week’s collection of puns and one liners takes the theme of parrot jokes, for no particular reason.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of originality or hilarity…       What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.   What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.   What… Continue reading Parrot Jokes

Watch Jokes

A friend of mine bought me a watch that has stopped working, but I haven’t told them yet. It’s never the right time.

The topic for this week’s one liners and puns is watch jokes. As normal these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       A friend of mine bought me a watch that has stopped working, but I haven’t told them yet. It’s never the right time.   I held up my watch… Continue reading Watch Jokes

Snake Jokes

My pet snake is exactly 3.14 metres long. He’s a πthon.

This week’s puns and one liners take the theme of snake jokes, for no particular reason. They just happen to rhyme with last week’s cake jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I’m a bit worried about the snake that ate the Meccano set. Apparently he’s now… Continue reading Snake Jokes

Cake Jokes

Got a fantastic stereo made of cake. It's a gateau blaster.

I was reminded of an old joke about cakes this week and was surprised to find I had not already included a page of cake based puns, so here are some cake jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       A man walks into a bakery with a… Continue reading Cake Jokes

Exam Jokes

Just go an A, a C, a D and a C in my A Levels and have been accepted by a university in Yorkshire. I'm on a highway to Hull.

It’s exam season at the moment with lots of people getting their results, so here are some exam jokes. I remember getting my A level results really clearly, best wishes to all those who just got their results. Of course, these jokes as normal come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…      … Continue reading Exam Jokes