Tag: witty

Walks Into A Bar jokes

A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says “would you like a pint?” The horse says, “no, two halves”.

I’ve had a request this week for a topic for the puns and one liners, so thanks to Phil, this week’s page is A Man Walks Into A Bar jokes.  I have left out the most obvious ones, but there is still no guarantee of originality or funniness…  No doubt, some of you will want… Continue reading Walks Into A Bar jokes

Bike Jokes

A friend of mine works for a company that makes bikes. He's their spokesman.

I’m writing this in early January, and there seem to be even more people than normal out on bikes at the moment. No doubt New Year resolutions for many include getting fit, and I’m sure there were plenty of new bicycles that arrived as Christmas presents a couple of weeks ago, so this week the… Continue reading Bike Jokes

There Are Two Types of People jokes…

There are two types of people in the world. Those that finish what they start.

A conversation over coffee this week seemed to feature lots of one-liners that featured the starting phrase, “There are two types of people in the world…” or something similar, so here are a series of Two Types of People jokes.  That said, if one of the types of people is those that post original and… Continue reading There Are Two Types of People jokes…

Scarecrow Jokes

I saw a chap fighting with a scarecrow once. I thought, "he's just clutching at straws".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Scarecrow Jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of funniness or originality…  although appropriately enough, these are more corny than normal.       A scarecrow friend of mine tried out as a stand up comedian, but he was too corny.   Another scarecrow… Continue reading Scarecrow Jokes

Football Jokes

Great start to the season for Lion King FC: a win away, a win away, a win away...

This weekend sees the World Cup final, so it seems a good opportunity to have a few football jokes. Most seem to be about a specific team or player, but I thought I would stay neutral and just go for the silly… As normal, they come with no guarantee of funniness or originality… If you’re… Continue reading Football Jokes

Library Jokes

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on 'Finding Bigfoot'. The librarian directs him to the large print section.

It seems that jokes about libraries and librarians are all the rage, so it seemed that it would be a good topic for this week’s collection of one-liners and puns, so here are some library jokes.  Of course, if these were in a library, it is unlikely that the Dewey Decimal system would have them… Continue reading Library Jokes

Photography Jokes

I had to give up my career as a photographer. I kept losing focus.

You may have spotted that I like to take a photo or two, and somehow photography and cameras has managed to avoid being a feature of the regular Friday one-liner pages, so it seems time to rectify that.  Here is a list of photography jokes, and a few camera jokes, and of course they come… Continue reading Photography Jokes

Colour Jokes

I went to the doctor and said "I keep dreaming my eyes change colour". He said "It's just a pigment of your imagination"

Happy Friday everyone (if you are reading this on a Friday).  The topic of this week’s puns and one-liners is colour jokes, and I hope that you enjoy this collection of colourful comments and witticisms.  As always, no guarantee of originality or funniness…       I went to the doctor and said “I keep… Continue reading Colour Jokes

Accent Jokes

Jousting. What a Brummie asks a bee.

These series of puns and one-liners are accent jokes, and specifically, British accent jokes, so they may not travel so well beyond that.  If you find yourself scratching your head wondering why it should be funny, then try it in the relevant accent.  If that doesn’t work, comment below and I will try to explain.… Continue reading Accent Jokes

More puns

I was in a hotel lobby today, and told the guy behind the desk that I was there for the Twitter conference. He said "Follow me"...

Friday means bad joke day here as normal, and here are a collection of one liners mainly based on puns that are old, unoriginal and more likely to raise a groan than a laugh…  So here are some more puns….     I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.  … Continue reading More puns