Newspaper Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Oyster Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…


Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.


Got upset when I couldn’t find any scissors to cut a coupon out of a newspaper. I was reduced to tears.


I followed a van down the motorway that was delivering newspapers. I like to keep up with the times.


Bit surprised by the free printer I got with my new computer. He’s called Arthur and he’s worked in newspapers for 14 years.


There was a classified ad in my local newspaper. Not allowed to tell you what it was selling.


Why did the newspaper reporter talk to the ice cream? He was looking for the scoop.


Just spotted exactly the same crossword clue for an eleven letter word in two different newspapers. Coincidence?


Lots of tabloid news stories about vampires recently. Can’t see them in The Mirror though.


Saw an advert in my local newspaper saying “Account Wanted: £50000 – £60000. I phoned them and said “It’s -£10000”.


What do you call a man with a newspaper on his head? Russell.


Phoned my local newspaper and asked how much ad space was. They said £5 per inch. I said “no thanks, I’m trying to sell a big ladder”.


I’ve got an electrician friend who always reads the newspaper. He likes to keep up on current affairs.


If you like these newspaper jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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