They said he took the biscuit

Biscuit Jokes

We were playing Desert Island Biscuits this week – a bit like the better known Desert Island Discs, if you were stuck on a desert island and could take one type of biscuit with you, what would it be? – and it seemed a good topic for this week’s one liners, so here are some biscuit jokes. As normal, don’t expect hilarity or originality but they may be a bit crummy…




Friend got sacked from his job at the Rich Tea factory. They said he took the biscuit.


I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti?  You bet I am.


What is crunchy and says meow? A bis-cat.


Gave blood but instead of a biscuit, they gave me some pitta bread and salad. Think it was a donor kebab.


I opened a new box of animal crackers the other day. It said on the cover “don’t eat if seal is broken”. I checked the shapes, and it was.


A friend has a talking biscuit but I can never understand it. That’s the way the cookie mumbles.


Of all the reunions I’ve been to, the best was that of the Wagon Wheels delivery drivers. That took the biscuit.


Asked for a helicopter biscuit. They didn’t have any so I had to have a plane one.


Friend of mine got a job in a biscuit factory. He kneaded the dough.


So close to beating a chocolate bar at tennis. Was only a breakaway.


I love digestives. Sometimes I’ll skip lunch and just eat a packet of them. That’s why they are called whole meal.




Last week’s rash jokes are here.

If you like these biscuit jokes, have a look over here.


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