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Vampire Jokes

This week’s collection of one-liners and puns is made up of vampire jokes, which begs the comment, “they really do suck”…  As normal, the jokes come with no guarantee of funniness or originality….




On reflection, vampires aren’t that scary.


If vampires have no reflection, how do they do their hair?


A vampire split up with his girlfriend after she had a blood test. She wasn’t his type.


I know an elderly vampire. He’s quite long in the tooth.


To kill a French vampire, you need to stick a baguette through his heart. It’s painstaking.


I knew a vampire who gave up acting because he couldn’t find a role he could get his teeth in to.


Went to a Halloween fancy dress party dressed as Dracula and ate all the food. I was Vampire the Buffet Slayer.


One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.


The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.


Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.


The local vampire social club is constantly gritting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood.


Apparently vampires drink blood because coffee keep them awake all day.



Last week’s collection of photography jokes are here.

If you like these vampire jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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