shoe one liner

Shoe Jokes

I have oddly had lots of shoe based conversations in the last few days, so this week’s puns and one liners take the form of Shoe Jokes (thanks Tim & Aimee). As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…




I went to the filling station this morning for petrol. The first pump didn’t work, neither did the second pump, nor the third. I went into the shop and said to the person working behind the counter, “Have you got your pumps on?”  She said, “No, I’m wearing Ugg Boots.”


Friend of mine is an expert in making clown shoes. It’s no small feat.


A friend couldn’t tie his shoelaces, so I’ve sent him to boot camp.


I went to the School of Shoe Menders’ 50th anniversary dinner. What a load of old cobblers.


I used to work in a shoe recycling centre. It was sole destroying.


Who is the most famous footwear philosopher? Sockrates.


A man with two left feet walks into a shoe shop and says, “Got any flip flips?”


I’ve invented a shoe made entirely out of Lego. When you stand on it, it doesn’t hurt, you just get a little taller.


What did the hat say to the shoe? “I’ll go on ahead, you go on foot”.


Who asked if it was better for a shoe to be or not to be? Sockspeare.


A racehorse walks into a bar with its entourage. The barman says “you can’t come in here with those trainers”.


Think the local police horse has a dodgy shoe. It’s going good clop, bad clop.


A friend’s spot burst when he went to the pharmacist. Puss in Boots.


What is made of leather, a foot long, and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.


I’ve run a shoe repair shop with my friend for years. He’s my sole mate.


Had an interview for a job as a blacksmith once. I was asked if I had ever shoed a horse. I said no, but I’d told a donkey to go away once.


What do you call a Italian shoe maker? Roberto…


What sort of shoes should you wear whilst directing a frog? Open toad…


What sort of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers…



Last week’s map jokes are here.


If you like these shoe jokes, there is an index of joke topics here.