Corny Science Jokes for a Friday…

A Higgs Boson walks into a church. Priest asks it to leave. The boson says "But without me, how can you have mass?"
A Higgs Boson walks into a church. Priest asks it to leave. The boson says "But without me, how can you have mass?"

Continuing the theme of Friday being a day for humour, here are some corny science jokes to get you through a Friday… As always, they are rather old…

A Higgs Boson walks into a church. Priest asks it to leave. The boson says “But without me, how can you have mass?”

The 1994 film Speed erroneously includes a director in the credits.  If it had direction, it would have been called Velocity.  And if it then had substance, it would have been called Momentum.

If you break the Law of Gravity, do you get a suspended sentence?

“Anything that can be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise, will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise” – Cole’s Law

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian says, “It rings a bell, but I don’t know whether it’s there or not”

A friend of mine crossed a physicist with a snake and got a Bohr Constrictor.

On the depressing side of physics, gravity always brings me down.

Organic chemistry is difficult. Its students have alkynes of trouble.

The most gullible chemical element is easily lead.

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

I was going to do a course on String Theory, but I didn’t know how long it was going to be.

I saw a sub-atomic particle wearing old clothes from Primark the other day. Must have been a tachyon.

Do quantum car mechanics have a minimum charge?

How did the nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall.

Difference between a Quantum Theorist & beauty therapist is one uses Planck’s Constant as a foundation, the other uses Max Factor.

A photon turns up at check in for a flight with no baggage. The check in agent says “travelling light?”. He says “Yes, I am”.

Did you hear about the snowman who got cooled down to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

An ion says to his mate “I think I’ve lost an electron”. His mate says “Are you sure?”. He says “Yes, I’m positive”.

A neutron gets a pint and asks how much it is, and the barman says “For you, no charge”.

“I don’t know if the Pussycat Dolls are alive or dead.”
– Nicole Schrodinger

Gold walked into a bar. The barman shouted, “Eyh you, get out of here!”

Some helium went into a bar. The barman shouted “Oi! I’ve told you! We don’t serve Noble gases in here! Get out!” The helium didn’t react.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those who do not.

A friend won “Dentist of the year”. All she got was a little plaque.

Inside one in every 3.14 onions is an opinion

I don’t trust atoms.  They make up everything.

Two atoms in a crystal lattice. One says to the other “I think I’ve lost an electron”. The other said “Are you sure?”. The first replies “Yes, I’m positive”.

When my doctor told me I was to go on a journey to deliver charged atoms, I had a lot of quest ions.

I’ve just seen a paleontologist sat in a bar talking to a piece of coal. He must be carbon dating.

What did the duck say in the quantum field? Quark.

What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use? A tree-ring binder….

My mate has joined a cult that worships black holes. I’d hate to get sucked into something like that.

How many aerospace engineers does it take to set fire to your Guy Fawkes night celebrations? None; you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to light a bonfire.

If you think these jokes are all too old, I’ll take them out and Barium…. but once they’re gone they Argon…

Last week’s jokes are here… and there is an index of the various joke pages here

If you like these science jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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