One-liners to occupy a Friday…

I'm hoping for a cure to hiccoughs but I'm not holding my breath.
I'm hoping for a cure to hiccoughs but I'm not holding my breath.

As normal for a Friday, here are a few jokes to keep you going until the weekend starts properly.  As always, they are not new, not original, and most often not funny.  Well, maybe a little amusing.  At least as one-liners, they are generally quite short… Hope you like them.




Went into a shop the other day and asked for helicopter crisps. They didn’t have any. I had to make do with plane.


Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent…


Just heard someone shouting “Tequila! Vodka! Whiskey!” I said “I call the shots around here”.


I went to buy six cans of sprite the other day and realised I’d picked 7Up.


I’m hoping for a cure to hiccoughs but I’m not holding my breath.


There are two types of people in the world. Those that finish what they start.


A friend of mine quit his job at the helium factory recently. He refused to be spoken to in that tone.


I saw a bunch of men in habits and cowls dancing enthusiastically. It was the Monastery of Sound.


A few years ago, I asked the girl in the pet grooming shop out to dinner. She couldnt make it though, she was washing her hare.


At any given time, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is never more than a whim away.


A battery & a firework were arrested. One was charged and the other let off…


Reading an enthralling book about anti-gravity at the moment. Can’t put it down.


An actor friend of mine just fell through the floor. I think it’s just a stage he’s going through.




Last week’s one liner nonsense is here.

If you like this one-liner collection, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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