Tag: one liners

Boring Jokes

My life is so boring that the person who stole my identity gave me it back.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Boring Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Scientists got bored watching the Earth spin after 24 hours, so they called it a day. Went to Glastonbury once with a boring friend. They were a real stuck in the mud.… Continue reading Boring Jokes

Walking Jokes

I've decided to put all my eggs in one basket so I don't look daft walking around the supermarket.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Walking Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Watched a documentary about people walking on fiery hot coals. It was sole destroying. I was going to try walking on hot burning coals but I got cold feet. I’ve decided to… Continue reading Walking Jokes

Symbol Jokes

It's hard to read hieroglyphic symbols in pyramids as they are encrypted.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Symbol Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Being in a pyramid is like being on the internet. It’s full of people worshiping cats, writing on walls and using odd symbols. I saw a guidance symbol made out of glass.… Continue reading Symbol Jokes

Camouflage Jokes

Really good camouflage is hard to find.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Camouflage Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend got some camouflage skates. He can hide but he can’t run. I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks. I went to… Continue reading Camouflage Jokes

Slice Jokes

Someone told me about a way to lose weight by putting slices of bread on my head. It's a loaf hat diet.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Slice Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I saw some cheese that refused to be sliced as it had greater plans… Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard. Chap goes to collect his pizza and asks if… Continue reading Slice Jokes

Weigh Jokes

A friend of mine has set up a new business weighing nano objects. It's a small scale set up.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Weigh Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A fish may be easy to weigh because it comes with scales, but whales are more complicated. You need to take them to a whale weigh station. How do you work out… Continue reading Weigh Jokes

Palindrome Jokes

Racecar backwards is still racecar. Racecar upside down is expensive.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Palindrome Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A Santa at NASA has won top spot at this year’s Christmas palindrome award. Top resarch scientist in palindromes is Dr Awkward. The prizes from the Palindrome Awards come from the Reward… Continue reading Palindrome Jokes

Tongue Jokes

There's a new TV programme where people make funny shapes with their mouths and are judged. Strictly Tongue Dancing.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tongue Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… My favourite thing about tongue twisters? Hard to say… Singing in the shower is great until you get shampoo on your tongue. Then it’s more of a soap opera. Tried some odd… Continue reading Tongue Jokes

Finger Jokes

Most reliable body part? You can always count on your fingers.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Finger Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A few people were mean to me about choosing to wear mittens instead of gloves, but I don’t like to point fingers. Looking for ways to keep my hands warm in fingerless… Continue reading Finger Jokes

Parade Jokes

I did a survey on how drunk people act at parades. The results are staggering.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Parade Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A anaesthetist friend of mine has just passed his exams. Next he has a passing out parade. We should have a National Parades Day, and it should be March Fourth. What phrase… Continue reading Parade Jokes