Tag: one liners

Multiple Choice Jokes

Help me decide if I should set up a Victor Meldrew account on Twitter: a) Don’t b) Leave It

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Multiple Choice Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Help me decide if I should set up a Victor Meldrew account on Twitter:a) Don’tb) Leave It Really like someone but they just don’t know how to do multiple choice tests.… Continue reading Multiple Choice Jokes

Pain Jokes

Got a pain after eating some radioactive isotopes. Think I had atomic ache.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pain Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Tried to tell the doctor I’d hurt my hand opening French sparkling wine, he told me it was a sham pain. What causes the pain you get when you kick a rocket?… Continue reading Pain Jokes

Sticker Jokes

A neighbour has a sticker on their door saying "Do not ring the bell". Not sure why, just can't put my finger on it.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sticker Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I completed my toasted sandwich sticker album earlier today. It’s by Panini. The word “fragile” gets thrown around a lot recently. Particularly when written on a sticker and attached to a checked… Continue reading Sticker Jokes

Wheel Jokes

I was going to buy a car with a transparent steering wheel until someone told me to steer clear.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Wheel Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’m quite fair skinned. I’ve got tattoos of a merry-go-round, dodgems and a ferris wheel. What has three wheels and goes at speed along the river bed? A motorbike and side carp.… Continue reading Wheel Jokes

Bang Jokes

I asked the scientist at the end of his talk what happened before the Big Bang. He said, "sorry, no time".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Bang Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Banged my head on a low bridge. Would have been ok if viaduct. My kettle is making banging sounds like thunder. I think a storm is brewing. I heard loud bangs coming… Continue reading Bang Jokes

Monster Jokes

There's a creature round here that keeps ringing doorbells. He's the knock less monster.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Monster Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Got stuck for ages behind Satan in the queue at the Post Office. For the devil takes many forms. Going to make a film about a shark visiting a Scottish sea monster.… Continue reading Monster Jokes

Yeast Jokes

I put some yeast in my broth. The results were soup rising.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Yeast Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Baking has got very trendy. Dough with yeast is on the rise. A lorry load of Marmite has crashed on the M4. It’s on the yeast bound carriageway. I remember being fed… Continue reading Yeast Jokes

Quill Jokes

Spotted someone drawing clocks with a feather. I think he was just quilling time.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Quill Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A hedgehog I know tried to strengthen his spikes by lifting weights with them, but he didn’t have the quill power. Spotted someone drawing clocks with a feather. I think he was… Continue reading Quill Jokes

Archery Jokes

My local cabbie in London is known as Robin Hood. He only drives between Bow and Harrow.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Archery Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… My local cabbie in London is known as Robin Hood. He only drives between Bow and Harrow. I wondered what would happen when I fired an arrow straight up in the air,… Continue reading Archery Jokes

Eject Jokes

They say when one door closes, another one opens. Turned out I was being ejected through the airlock.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Eject Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Got ejected from karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts. A friend didn’t pay his bill after someone ejected… Continue reading Eject Jokes