Tag: one liners

Cymbal Jokes

It's not that hard to get a job as a percussionist, you just have to answer the cymbal questions.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cymbal Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The conductor told the drums, xylophones, cymbals, bells and gongs to play their section twice. There will be re-percussions. I keep hearing xylophones, cymbals and other percussion instruments in my loft. It’s… Continue reading Cymbal Jokes

Seed Jokes

My pet chickens don't seem to be able to eat the new seed I got them even though it looks perfect. It was described as impeccable.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Seed Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… That’s the last time I send my mate to get me some pollyfila. He’s come back with some parrot seed. I bought some bird seed months ago, but still haven’t managed to… Continue reading Seed Jokes

Museum Jokes

Went to the new Paris Disco museum, Le Grouvre.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Museum Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… and some are maybe best placed in a museum. The local television controller museum has had almost no visitors. People are not remotely interested. Local museum has a new dinosaur exhibit. Don’t… Continue reading Museum Jokes

Worm Jokes

The fact that we call them "Earth worms" implies that there's another planet inhabited by a different type of worm…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Worm Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Found some wormholes in my really old cabinet. Looked into it and it took me to a different galaxy. A friend of mine lost his job at a fishing supplies company. He… Continue reading Worm Jokes

Drill Jokes

Do you know all you need to drill little holes? Only a little bit.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Drill Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I introduced a friend to my hammer, my chisel and my saw. He knows the drill. “I didn’t see you at camouflage drill”.“Thank you, sir”. Pressed the Hammer Function button on my… Continue reading Drill Jokes

Burns Night Jokes

I call my mate The Exorcist. Every time I invite him round for Burns Supper, the spirits disappear.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Burns Night Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Was trying to come up with my own recipe for haggis, but I’m not sure what it entrails. I was going to make a haggis, but I didn’t have the stomach… Continue reading Burns Night Jokes

Inflation Jokes

Just like the economy, my waistline has suffered from inflation over the years.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Inflation Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Sad to hear about the last local balloon company closing. It couldn’t keep up with the high cost of inflation…. Bought a tyre for my car last year for £120. Cost £180… Continue reading Inflation Jokes

Lego Jokes

Of course we don't refer to them as Lego Doctors. We call them Plastic Surgeons.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Lego Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A lorry load of Lego bricks has overturned on the motorway. Police say they don’t know what to make of it. I’ve invented a boot made entirely out of Lego. When you… Continue reading Lego Jokes

Snowman Jokes

I saw a snowman playing Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me on the piano. Meltin' John.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Snowman Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend of mine got a yeti tattooed on his stomach. It’s his abdominal snowman. Was on a ship and spotted the Abominable Snowman in a uniform. Turns out he was their Chief… Continue reading Snowman Jokes

Mince Jokes

Ordered some ground beef but the delivery drivers are on strike. Some day my mince will come.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Mince Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Told the doctor I had a mince pie growing out of my head. He said he had some cream for it. A mince pie walks into a bar. The barman says “sorry,… Continue reading Mince Jokes