Tortoise Jokes

Why don't you see many tortoises wearing scarves? They have turtlenecks.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tortoise Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The police interviewed a sloth who was mugged by some tortoises. He said, “it all happened so quickly”. I’ve discovered the secret of a long life. Be born as a giant tortoise.… Continue reading Tortoise Jokes

Rumour Jokes

Rumour has it that all the judges aspire to go to play basketball on top of the local skyscraper. It's the highest court in the country.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rumour Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Heard a rumour that the local dentists are going on strike. Brace yourselves… Heard a rumour of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth. I heard a rumour that… Continue reading Rumour Jokes

Violin Jokes

I saw a pig who plays the violin walking with a limp. Turns out he'd pulled a hamstring.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Violin Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Apparently Karl Marx’s toilet plays music when it flushes because of the violins inherent in the cistern. Saw an advert for a really quiet violin on eBay. No strings attached. Local pub… Continue reading Violin Jokes

Tickle Jokes

Tried tickling a keg of beer once. Ended up with a barrel of laughs.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tickle Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What’s small, white and laughs a lot in salads? A tickled onion. Finally found out how you make a giant squid laugh. Ten tickles. I used some magic to make some fog… Continue reading Tickle Jokes

Degree Jokes

Doing a degree in sandwich making. I've one more eggs/ham to go, and when I complete the salad section I'll have lettuce after my name.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Degree Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The recipe said “place the stew in the oven at 180 degrees”. Now it’s poured all over the place. I always find square rooms are very hot. All the corners are 90… Continue reading Degree Jokes

Bald Jokes

A balding friend of mine has finally cut off his remaining pony tail. It was a hipsterectomy.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Bald Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A bald friend had some rabbits tattooed on his head. They look like hares from a distance. Bought a bald friend a comb for his birthday. He says he’ll never part with… Continue reading Bald Jokes

Packet Jokes

A friend just gave me a packet of sugar as a gift. I thought it was very sweet.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Packet Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I was so tired this morning that after half an hour trying to do a jigsaw of a tiger, I realised it was actually a packet of Frosties. Standing in the supermarket,… Continue reading Packet Jokes

Piano Jokes

Since a bit of my piano got dirty it only plays music from the late 19th century about the human condition. Dusty F key.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Piano Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Why is it so hard to open a piano? Because all the keys are on the inside. Saw a fish that keeps musical instruments working properly. He’s a piano tuna. A friend… Continue reading Piano Jokes

Sail Jokes

Why don't the Jedi have a navy? Because sailing is a path to the dockside.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sail Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’ve started a new business making ships in bottles in my attic. Sails have hit the roof. Why are fast yachts like popular furniture stores? Both always seem to have a sail… Continue reading Sail Jokes

Satellite Jokes

When a satellite falls to earth, do newspapers publish its orbituary?

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Satellite Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… There aren’t many decent satellite jokes. Most go over your head. What do you call a robot that changes the direction of a satellite? R2 Detour. A satellite dish married an aerial.… Continue reading Satellite Jokes