Diamond Jokes

"Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds". John Lennon lost at Cluedo every time.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Diamond Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”. John Lennon lost at Cluedo every time. I was driving down a road that was surfaced with emeralds, rubies and diamonds. I think it was a… Continue reading Diamond Jokes

Wrapping Jokes

My dog keeps wrapping things in cardboard. He's a boxer.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Wrapping Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Some people thought my idea of replacing Christmas wrapping paper with Bubble Wrap was silly, but at least I made my presents known. I ordered some bubble wrap online just to see… Continue reading Wrapping Jokes

Dress Jokes

Got a job taking photos of salmona and tuna in dresses and shirts. Sounds odd but was really easy, like shooting fish in apparel.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Dress Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I used to dress off the peg but now my neighbours bring their laundry in at night. My local dress alteration company is really fast. Tailor swift. Had to give up my… Continue reading Dress Jokes

Telescope Jokes

Wondered why I couldn't save any clips of the pulsar I was trying to find with my telescope, then I realised that video killed the radio star.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Telescope Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Came third in a Star Gazing competition with my telescope. I got a constellation prize. I heard having a telescope is really interesting. I’m going to look into it. Why is it… Continue reading Telescope Jokes

Honey Jokes

Saw someone in the queue at the supermarket with salmon and honey. Just the bear necessities.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Honey Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Why do bees have sticky fur? They use honey combs. I love being covered in snot and honey. It’s the bees’ sneeze. Why did the ants dance on the honey jar lid?… Continue reading Honey Jokes

Dalek Jokes

Which Dalek tried to get rid of James Bond? Skaromanga

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Dalek Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Called the local council to ask about their plans to prevent Dalek attack. They said steps had been put in place. A dalek was on the Great Skaro Bake Off and was… Continue reading Dalek Jokes

Factory Jokes

I put in a lot of extra hours at work and ended up getting sacked from the clock factory.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Factory Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Heard a huge bang at the cheese factory and suddenly the only thing left was de Brie. I worked in a cardboard box factory but it folded. I’d love a job doing… Continue reading Factory Jokes

Architect Jokes

I don't use sandwich architects, I prefer to use sub contractors.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Architect Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I wanted to be an architect but I sprained my angle. Wanted someone to design a big boat for me to carry some animals, so I consulted with an arkitect. Asked an… Continue reading Architect Jokes

Witch Jokes

Witches' most frightening spell books are often written in curse-ive.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Witch Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I would tell you about my dream involving a Lion, a Witch and a Wardrobe, but it’s Narnia business. Heard two witches telling jokes. Broom broom. How many witches does it take… Continue reading Witch Jokes

Soap Jokes

Someone has stolen all the soap from my bath. I think it was my robber duck.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Soap Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Singing in the shower is great until you get shampoo on your tongue. Then it’s more of a soap opera. Someone has stolen all the soap from my bath. I think it… Continue reading Soap Jokes