Tag: one liners

Lead Jokes

A new bike company makes really heavy wheels, their lead spokesman told me.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Lead Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend of mine did an awful version of an 80s Classic at karaoke. It went down like 99 lead balloons. The lead of a pencil has been discovered that may have… Continue reading Lead Jokes

Sausage Jokes

Tried playing tug-of-war with a string of sausages. Ended up with pulled pork.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sausage Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Bought a new HP printer recently. The ink is a bit funny but tastes great on a sausage sandwich. Neighbours told me to bring bangers and rocket to their… Continue reading Sausage Jokes

Bandwidth Jokes

Wondered how big the stage needs to be at the Download Festival. Apparently it depends on the bandwidth.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Bandwidth Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Wondered how big the stage needs to be at the Download Festival. Apparently it depends on the bandwidth. A friend has an illness that’s given him a fever and… Continue reading Bandwidth Jokes

Silver Jokes

If Iron Man decided to work with the Silver Surfer, would they be alloys?

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Silver Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Mixed together iron, silver and a lizard and got an alloy-gator Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too much chance of a silver medal. Got a silver medal… Continue reading Silver Jokes

Static Jokes

Really pleased to hear about the force inside an eggshell that holds it together. Egg static.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Static Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Do static caravans have a minimum charge? One cable says to another, “I’m so happy that I’ve finally got rid of that charge I was carrying. I’m ex-static”. Saw… Continue reading Static Jokes

Insurance Jokes

Hardly use my DeLorean, and the insurance quote was huge even though I told them I only drive it from time to time.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Insurance Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Got camping insurance but apparently if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night I’m no longer covered. Do Transformers buy life insurance or car insurance? I… Continue reading Insurance Jokes

Mars Jokes

How to colonise Mars: :M:a:r:s:

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Mars Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Opened a mars bar once. Discovered martians love gin. I’ve got two mars bars, three snickers, a twix and a flake. Somehow, I’m just not cut out to be… Continue reading Mars Jokes

Squeak Jokes

What goes snap, crackle and squeak? Mice Krispies.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Squeak Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Friend told me he had set up business washing mice and rats. Thought it was dodgy at first, then realised it was squeaky clean. Couldn’t find engine oil for… Continue reading Squeak Jokes

Swing Jokes

Friend of mine got a job designing swings and slides. He's a park-itect.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Swing Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I was going to vote for better slides in parks in the local election, but unfortunately I live in a swing constituency. A friend used to swing across the… Continue reading Swing Jokes

Bone Jokes

The most musical parts of your skeleton are your trom-bones

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Bone Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Yorkshire chap asks a goldsmith to make a statue of his dog. Goldsmith asks “Eighteen carat?”. He replies, “Nay, chewing a bone”. A friend of mine was destined to… Continue reading Bone Jokes