Tag: one liners

Tattoo Jokes

Friend of mine was feeling down, so I let them add some colour to my tattoos. They just wanted a shoulder to crayon.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tattoo Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Wish I’d never got a tattoo of a bonfire on my wrist. Loads of places won’t allow me in with fire arms. My parents disowned me for getting a tattoo of a… Continue reading Tattoo Jokes

Animal Vehicle Jokes

Mickey Mouse's helicopter is no use in Scotland. Disneyland.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Animal Vehicle Jokes, a request that’s come our way for a series of puns that involve animals and vehicles. Niche, we know. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, “how do… Continue reading Animal Vehicle Jokes

Monopoly Jokes

I was playing Bonopoly earlier. It's like Monopoly but where the streets have no name.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Monopoly Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Went to a Board Game themed Fancy Dress competition, but knew I wasn’t going to win with my incomplete Monopoly themed outfit. I had no chance. Or Community Chest. I went game… Continue reading Monopoly Jokes

Wedding Jokes

Of course, they're not called tears at a wedding. It's eye dew.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Wedding Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I went to a wedding that was so emotional that even the cake was in tiers… Went to a low bandwidth wedding recently. Awful reception. My microwave & freezer got married in… Continue reading Wedding Jokes

Label Jokes

A friend of mine taught me to label graphs. Legend.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Label Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I opened a new box of animal crackers the other day. It said on the label “don’t eat if seal is broken”. I checked the shapes, and it was. Delighted to finish… Continue reading Label Jokes

Glove Jokes

s in a production of Cats, I wondered where to put my gloves, then I realised they fit on my…. dramatic paws.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Glove Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… My oven gloves make me immune to the hot temperatures. At least to a certain degree. I’ve got an odd sock. It’s like a glove and has room for seven toes. I… Continue reading Glove Jokes

Duvet Jokes

I accused someone of being like a duvet, but it turned out they were not quilty.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Duvet Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend was in a group called Blankets and Duvets. They were a covers band. My friend told me that I’m obsessed with blankets and duvets. Apparently I’m just too wrapped up… Continue reading Duvet Jokes

Coal Jokes

Applied for a job extracting coal but they said I didn't have the right experience. Never mined.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Coal Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Watched a documentary about people walking on fiery hot coals. It was sole destroying. Group of guys covered in coal dust walk into a bar. The barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve… Continue reading Coal Jokes

Rhino Jokes

If you say you say you're a fan of pachyderms but only like rhinos, elephants, pigs and tapirs, then you're being hippo critical.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rhino Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Someone asked me how you weigh an rhino. It’s quite like weighing a person, but on a much larger scale. How do you stop a rhino from charging? Unplug him. Not sure… Continue reading Rhino Jokes

Mortgage Jokes

Disappointed that the bank turned down a mortgage on a building for my Desserts by Drone business. They said it was just pie in the sky.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Mortgage Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Went to the bank to sort out my mortgage and got directed to someone dressed as a cowboy. Think he was the loan arranger. Found out the interest that buccaneers pay on… Continue reading Mortgage Jokes