Tag: jokes

Bed Jokes

Not going to lie, my bed is broken.

This week’s collection of puns and one-liners take the form of bed jokes, for no particular reason. As normal, no guarantee of funniness or originality…   Heard a myth about a single bed placed on top of another one, and attached with a ladder. Fortunately, I was able to debunk it.   Not going to… Continue reading Bed Jokes

Fortune Teller Jokes

A friend started a career as a psychic, but gave it up. Couldn't see any future in it.

No particular reason for this week’s topic for the one liners and puns; here are some Fortune Teller jokes. Those with psychic powers might predict that these will not be either original or that funny… Two fortune tellers meet on the street. One says to the other, “You’re fine, how am I?” I saw a… Continue reading Fortune Teller Jokes

Milk Jokes

A friend told me that they were bathing in milk, almost totally immersed. I said, “Pasteurised?”, they said, “no, just to my chin”.

After last week’s cow jokes, a series of milk jokes seems to be the natural progression, although these may have gone beyond their best before date, and don’t expect them to be too funny or original. They are not the cream of the bunch…     A man walks into a retro shop in Birmingham.… Continue reading Milk Jokes

More Cow Jokes

Two cows in a field in Scotland. Which one is on holiday? The one with the wee calf.

Last week’s topic for one-liners and puns was Tractors, based on how much my son likes them. Following on the same theme, here are some more cow jokes – last collection here. As normal, don’t expect them to be either too funny or too original. In fact, these are mainly very old and worthy of… Continue reading More Cow Jokes

Tractor Jokes

A friend asked me if I had seen the film "Tractor". "No", I replied, "but I've seen the trailer".

My son Xander’s favourite word at the moment seems to be “Tractor”, so in his honour, this week’s puns and one-liners come with the theme of tractor jokes. As normal, don’t expect originality, or hilarity….     I haven’t seen that new film “The Tractor” yet, but I’ve seen the trailer.   A farmer friend… Continue reading Tractor Jokes

Rain Jokes

You never see owls being amorous in the rain. It's too wet to woo.

After a rather glorious July, August seems to have arrived with a reminder of what summer showers in the UK can be like, and so, as my journey home yesterday was punctuated with heavy rain, it seemed that Rain Jokes was a good a topic for this week’s puns and one liners as ever.  Rather… Continue reading Rain Jokes

Scarecrow Jokes

I saw a chap fighting with a scarecrow once. I thought, "he's just clutching at straws".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Scarecrow Jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of funniness or originality…  although appropriately enough, these are more corny than normal.       A scarecrow friend of mine tried out as a stand up comedian, but he was too corny.   Another scarecrow… Continue reading Scarecrow Jokes

Flying Jokes

When I wear contact lenses, I keep seeing Russian aircraft flying around in front of my eyes. The doctor said it could be some kind of optical Ilyushins.

I was out this week with a couple of friends, and they suggested that a page of one-liners about holidays may be topical. However, as we have had holiday jokes already, I thought flying jokes would be a relatively close topic. As ever, they come with no guarantee of funniness or originality…     A… Continue reading Flying Jokes

Commonwealth Games Jokes

It’s the Commonwealth Fishing event today. I hear it’s all online. Anyone got a good stream?

The UK finds itself in he wonderful position of hosting he world’s third biggest summer games at the moment, after hosting the second biggest – The WPFG – in Belfast in 2013, and of course, the biggest – The London Olympics – in 2012. So, in their honour, here are some Commonwealth Games jokes. Unlike… Continue reading Commonwealth Games Jokes

Tree Jokes

A local bank is opening an ATM in a tree. If its successful, they might expand to other branches.

It’s Friday, so time for some one liners. Today, it’s the turn of tree jokes. I’m tempted to branch out to some puns,but maybe I should leaf it as it is…. As normal, these come with no guarantee of funniness or originality.     How does a tree get on the Internet? It logs in.… Continue reading Tree Jokes