Tag: humour

Worm Jokes

The fact that we call them "Earth worms" implies that there's another planet inhabited by a different type of worm…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Worm Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Found some wormholes in my really old cabinet. Looked into it and it took me to a different galaxy. A friend of mine lost his job at a fishing supplies company. He… Continue reading Worm Jokes

Drill Jokes

Do you know all you need to drill little holes? Only a little bit.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Drill Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I introduced a friend to my hammer, my chisel and my saw. He knows the drill. “I didn’t see you at camouflage drill”.“Thank you, sir”. Pressed the Hammer Function button on my… Continue reading Drill Jokes

Burns Night Jokes

I call my mate The Exorcist. Every time I invite him round for Burns Supper, the spirits disappear.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Burns Night Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Was trying to come up with my own recipe for haggis, but I’m not sure what it entrails. I was going to make a haggis, but I didn’t have the stomach… Continue reading Burns Night Jokes

Inflation Jokes

Just like the economy, my waistline has suffered from inflation over the years.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Inflation Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Sad to hear about the last local balloon company closing. It couldn’t keep up with the high cost of inflation…. Bought a tyre for my car last year for £120. Cost £180… Continue reading Inflation Jokes

Dash Jokes

What goes trot trot dash dash trot? Horse code.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Dash Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What’s the longest morse code message? The 100 yard dash. Ok, got to go off and grow some hair on my upper lip. Must dash. Got sent an apology made up of… Continue reading Dash Jokes

Lego Jokes

Of course we don't refer to them as Lego Doctors. We call them Plastic Surgeons.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Lego Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A lorry load of Lego bricks has overturned on the motorway. Police say they don’t know what to make of it. I’ve invented a boot made entirely out of Lego. When you… Continue reading Lego Jokes

Snowman Jokes

I saw a snowman playing Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me on the piano. Meltin' John.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Snowman Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend of mine got a yeti tattooed on his stomach. It’s his abdominal snowman. Was on a ship and spotted the Abominable Snowman in a uniform. Turns out he was their Chief… Continue reading Snowman Jokes

Mince Jokes

Ordered some ground beef but the delivery drivers are on strike. Some day my mince will come.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Mince Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Told the doctor I had a mince pie growing out of my head. He said he had some cream for it. A mince pie walks into a bar. The barman says “sorry,… Continue reading Mince Jokes

Multiple Choice Jokes

Help me decide if I should set up a Victor Meldrew account on Twitter: a) Don’t b) Leave It

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Multiple Choice Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Help me decide if I should set up a Victor Meldrew account on Twitter:a) Don’tb) Leave It Really like someone but they just don’t know how to do multiple choice tests.… Continue reading Multiple Choice Jokes

Pain Jokes

Got a pain after eating some radioactive isotopes. Think I had atomic ache.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pain Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Tried to tell the doctor I’d hurt my hand opening French sparkling wine, he told me it was a sham pain. What causes the pain you get when you kick a rocket?… Continue reading Pain Jokes