Stone Jokes

Got a copy of a Stone Roses from a bloke in the pub, think it was a pyrite copy.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Stone Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Fossils never change their plans, they’re always set in stone. There are hailstones the size of golf balls hitting the windows here. We’ve got a hole in one. Was going to make… Continue reading Stone Jokes

Mountain Jokes

What's green and slides down mountains? A skiwi.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Mountain Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend of mine took up mountaineering whilst wearing a suit and re-enacting scenes from Rocky. He’s got the Tie of the Eiger. A friend of mine made some tea whilst up a… Continue reading Mountain Jokes

Radiator Jokes

If you want to explain why my house doesn't heat up even my radiators all on, my door is always open.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Radiator Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… My Radiator broke. Not cool. I used to be in a band called The Radiators. We were a warm up act. Friend bought a new home so I got them a radiator… Continue reading Radiator Jokes

Venus Jokes

What did the Venus Fly Trap say to the waiter? "There's no fly in my soup".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Venus Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Venus and Mars were going to have a party but neither knew how to planet. Read a book about the relatively low gravity on the surface of Venus. Couldn’t put it down.… Continue reading Venus Jokes

Rose Jokes

I saw a sheep dog with a rose in its mouth. It was a collie flower.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rose Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Pleased at our choice of celebrity to open our jumble sale. Axl Rose made everyone feel welcome. I wondered what type of seed you needed to grow a glowing rose, then I… Continue reading Rose Jokes

January Jokes

How many Microsoft Excel users does it take to change a light bulb? Monday 1st January 1900.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of January Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I never kiss anyone on 1st January. It’s the first date. Why does Santa spend January filling in his tax return? Because he’s elf employed. From 1st January, I’m only going to… Continue reading January Jokes

Lock Jokes

Early in my career, learning to pick locks opened so many doors for me.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Lock Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’m writing a song about getting a cage door lock replaced. There’s a key change at the end. Strange I know but I decided to lock myself in a cage to cure… Continue reading Lock Jokes

Pudding Jokes

Got in to trouble when I was in the army when they found me with puddings, trifles, ice cream and cakes. They said I was a desserter.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pudding Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What do angry mice eat at Christmas? Cross Mouse Puddings… I read an academic paper about puddings. It was a dessertation. Of course, it’s not a real sponge pudding unless you’ve had… Continue reading Pudding Jokes

Connect Jokes

Why did the anarchist disconnect his electricity cable? He believed that all power corrupts.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Connect Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A loose connection in my robot dog does more damage than it actually attacking anyone. It’s spark is worse than its bite. Not to say that my wifi is rubbish but I… Continue reading Connect Jokes

Arrow Jokes

An archer friend has been helping design cars because he's good at arrow dynamics.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Arrow Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Which 80s band sang:a) The Look of Loveb) Poison arrowc) All of My Heart My local cabbie in London is known as Robin Hood. He only drives between Bow and Harrow. I… Continue reading Arrow Jokes