Spider Jokes

A friend has a bizarre fear of spiders in raincoats. Anorakaphobia.

I was having a conversation about odd foods this week which became a debate about spiders, and hence, the topic of this week’s one-liners and puns is spider jokes. Well, what did you expect to find on the web? Of course, these have no guarantee of funniness or originality…       Was going to… Continue reading Spider Jokes

Banana Jokes

A friend keeps having nightmares about half eaten bananas. We suspect it's a mid-Fyffe crisis.

There is something inherently funny about bananas. Even the name is somehow amusing. Think of all those physical slapstick routines features a banana skin on a pavement somewhere, or those jokes like “time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana”. In their honour, here are some banana jokes, although as normal they are… Continue reading Banana Jokes

Washing Jokes

Friend told me he had set up business washing mice and rats. Thought it was dodgy at first, then realised it was squeaky clean.

This week’s topic for one liners and puns is washing jokes. As usual, don’t expect too much hilarity or originality…       Decided to change my washing powder. It’s a bold move.   Been invited to a hair washing party. I’ve no excuse not to go.   Asked a girl who works in the… Continue reading Washing Jokes

Lion Jokes

Went for dinner with the zoo animals the other day. They didn't all bring their wallets, I ended up paying the lion's share.

A collection of lion jokes this week, for no particular reason. As normal, they come with no guarantee of funniness or originality…       My lion impression went down well.  A roaring success.   I would tell you about my dream involving a Lion, a Witch and a Wardrobe, but it’s Narnia business.  … Continue reading Lion Jokes

Bed Jokes

Not going to lie, my bed is broken.

This week’s collection of puns and one-liners take the form of bed jokes, for no particular reason. As normal, no guarantee of funniness or originality…   Heard a myth about a single bed placed on top of another one, and attached with a ladder. Fortunately, I was able to debunk it.   Not going to… Continue reading Bed Jokes

Fortune Teller Jokes

A friend started a career as a psychic, but gave it up. Couldn't see any future in it.

No particular reason for this week’s topic for the one liners and puns; here are some Fortune Teller jokes. Those with psychic powers might predict that these will not be either original or that funny… Two fortune tellers meet on the street. One says to the other, “You’re fine, how am I?” I saw a… Continue reading Fortune Teller Jokes

Milk Jokes

A friend told me that they were bathing in milk, almost totally immersed. I said, “Pasteurised?”, they said, “no, just to my chin”.

After last week’s cow jokes, a series of milk jokes seems to be the natural progression, although these may have gone beyond their best before date, and don’t expect them to be too funny or original. They are not the cream of the bunch…     A man walks into a retro shop in Birmingham.… Continue reading Milk Jokes

More Cow Jokes

Two cows in a field in Scotland. Which one is on holiday? The one with the wee calf.

Last week’s topic for one-liners and puns was Tractors, based on how much my son likes them. Following on the same theme, here are some more cow jokes – last collection here. As normal, don’t expect them to be either too funny or too original. In fact, these are mainly very old and worthy of… Continue reading More Cow Jokes

Tractor Jokes

A friend asked me if I had seen the film "Tractor". "No", I replied, "but I've seen the trailer".

My son Xander’s favourite word at the moment seems to be “Tractor”, so in his honour, this week’s puns and one-liners come with the theme of tractor jokes. As normal, don’t expect originality, or hilarity….     I haven’t seen that new film “The Tractor” yet, but I’ve seen the trailer.   A farmer friend… Continue reading Tractor Jokes

Rain Jokes

You never see owls being amorous in the rain. It's too wet to woo.

After a rather glorious July, August seems to have arrived with a reminder of what summer showers in the UK can be like, and so, as my journey home yesterday was punctuated with heavy rain, it seemed that Rain Jokes was a good a topic for this week’s puns and one liners as ever.  Rather… Continue reading Rain Jokes