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Sail Jokes

Why don't the Jedi have a navy? Because sailing is a path to the dockside.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sail Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’ve started a new business making ships in bottles in my attic. Sails have hit the roof. Why are fast yachts like popular furniture stores? Both always seem to have a sail… Continue reading Sail Jokes

Satellite Jokes

When a satellite falls to earth, do newspapers publish its orbituary?

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Satellite Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… There aren’t many decent satellite jokes. Most go over your head. What do you call a robot that changes the direction of a satellite? R2 Detour. A satellite dish married an aerial.… Continue reading Satellite Jokes

Cymbal Jokes

It's not that hard to get a job as a percussionist, you just have to answer the cymbal questions.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cymbal Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The conductor told the drums, xylophones, cymbals, bells and gongs to play their section twice. There will be re-percussions. I keep hearing xylophones, cymbals and other percussion instruments in my loft. It’s… Continue reading Cymbal Jokes

Seed Jokes

My pet chickens don't seem to be able to eat the new seed I got them even though it looks perfect. It was described as impeccable.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Seed Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… That’s the last time I send my mate to get me some pollyfila. He’s come back with some parrot seed. I bought some bird seed months ago, but still haven’t managed to… Continue reading Seed Jokes

Museum Jokes

Went to the new Paris Disco museum, Le Grouvre.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Museum Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… and some are maybe best placed in a museum. The local television controller museum has had almost no visitors. People are not remotely interested. Local museum has a new dinosaur exhibit. Don’t… Continue reading Museum Jokes

Worm Jokes

The fact that we call them "Earth worms" implies that there's another planet inhabited by a different type of worm…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Worm Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Found some wormholes in my really old cabinet. Looked into it and it took me to a different galaxy. A friend of mine lost his job at a fishing supplies company. He… Continue reading Worm Jokes

Drill Jokes

Do you know all you need to drill little holes? Only a little bit.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Drill Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I introduced a friend to my hammer, my chisel and my saw. He knows the drill. “I didn’t see you at camouflage drill”.“Thank you, sir”. Pressed the Hammer Function button on my… Continue reading Drill Jokes

Burns Night Jokes

I call my mate The Exorcist. Every time I invite him round for Burns Supper, the spirits disappear.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Burns Night Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Was trying to come up with my own recipe for haggis, but I’m not sure what it entrails. I was going to make a haggis, but I didn’t have the stomach… Continue reading Burns Night Jokes

Inflation Jokes

Just like the economy, my waistline has suffered from inflation over the years.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Inflation Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Sad to hear about the last local balloon company closing. It couldn’t keep up with the high cost of inflation…. Bought a tyre for my car last year for £120. Cost £180… Continue reading Inflation Jokes

Dash Jokes

What goes trot trot dash dash trot? Horse code.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Dash Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What’s the longest morse code message? The 100 yard dash. Ok, got to go off and grow some hair on my upper lip. Must dash. Got sent an apology made up of… Continue reading Dash Jokes

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